Give Him An Uintjie*and He'll Take a Miel

*It's pronounced AYN-chee, peeps.

Tick-tock, tick-tock, ticktockticktock... it's 50 minutes before the 2nd Annual Literacy London Adult Spelling Bee and I am feeling like I've lost my spelling mojo.  Clearly I need a drink.

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Here is Oh Beehave at last year's Spelling Bee, abuzz with our second place finish:

Click on the mispeled word in this sentence to read more about the 2013 event.

Here we are, looking good, as Bee-lated Victory this year:

Vito's hair hasn't changed much.  

Other comical team names included, but were not limited to, The Awkwords, The Punk-tuators, The Beelievers, The Pedantics, Illiterate Beeple and The Doobees (who smoked blunts the entire evening).

I had high hopes for this year until I read this morning's Freeps:  What?????  There's a ringer?  And he's flying in from California just to attend the event?  

Here's the ringer - Dave Riddle - posing with my friend Tamara (an awesome speller in her own right) and her son, Davyn:

Sidenote:  Tamara raised the most money of all the attendees.  YEAH, TAMARA!  She will have to pipe in with the dollar amount, but I want to say that it was around $1000.

Back to Riddle.  Oho!  Another funny sidenote which has just occurred to me.  Tamara's maiden name is Riddle!  So maybe she and Dave are related and Davyn is their progeny?  Wait a minute, if they were related that would make Davyn the product of incest... whoa.  Stopping this line of thought NOW.  And laughing.  Anyhoo, back to the Riddler. 

I made the mistake of googling said ringer and found out all sorts of fascinating and discouraging tidbits.  Consider this statement of Riddle's: “spelling is kind of a hobby of mine." (he has studied up to twenty hours a week to prepare for a bee).  And then I read this:

"(it's) a “hobby,” apparently, in the same way Sidney Crosby dabbles at hockey — during a national championship in New York four years ago, Riddle won by spelling uintjie, an edible plant. 

Riddle found the London event online and flew in specifically for it: a diversion, he said, after a tough year of training for a speed-climb to the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro. (He and a guide reached the summit in 16 hours)."

Seriously?  I hate this dude.  :-)

I stalked him at the event, snapping a photo of him (the one above) and picking his brain.  He divulged that he was concerned about the variances in spellings between Canada and the U.S.  Grinning, I said, "you mean like wood and would?"  That gave him pause.  He didn't even crack a smile.  Then I said, "like color and colour?".  Again, no smile.  Dude was tough.

Riddle told me that he had spent the afternoon at a local bookstore reading the dictionary.  I asked him which dictionary he read (interesting topic to me).  He said, "Oxford".  A discussion about Oxford online and dictionaries in general ensued.  I had to leave in the middle of it for more wine.  :-)

While I kept my imbibing to a minimum so as to avoid stupid spelling errors, I did manage to slug back two glasses of wine and a beer.  Perhaps because of this, I found this year's words to be fairly easy to spell.  Keep in mind that what you read here are the spellings that my team submitted.  The asterisks in the first picture were added by me to note that I thought that we had misspelled these words.  I was right.  "Inoculate" has only one N, and the last word (pronounced "lad-oh-shun") is still a mystery to me.  I can't even find it in the dictionary or online.  If anyone knows this enigmatic word, please send me a message.

"Daquiri" is also spelled incorrectly.  The correct spelling is "daiquiri", which still looks completely wrong to me.  We scored 12 out of 15 and tied with three other teams for third place.  The second place team got 13 out of 15 words and the first place spelled 14 correctly (the Riddler's team, natch).

While the words this year were easier to spell, the organizers had some new (hard) games to test our wits.  I was sad to learn that the Boggle game was canceled, as was the homonym challenge (ate, eight; vein, vane; slew, slough etc).  And what did they have in store for us?  TRIVIA.  Yikes.  I am not a trivia aficionado (see how I snuck that spelling word in there? :-)  Some of the questions stumped us (2 and 3 for sure.  And a bunch of other questions that I didn't bother writing down, one of which had to do with the beer on the Simpsons, and the film Dead Poet's Society):

1. How many colours are in the Google logo?
2. What is the periodic symbol for Mercury?
3. What is the correct word for a group of ravens?  (i.e. murder of crows)
4. What group of vegetables does broccoli belong to?
5. How many points does the Maple Leaf have?

Bee-lated Victory did not fare well in the trivia component.  I will post the answers below.

Here's a copy of the evening's program:

Let's talk food for a minute.  Remember last year, how I went on and on about the delicious dinner?  How tasty it was, how plentiful, how the packaging was so cute?  Here are a couple of pictures of this year's food:

No cute package.  A tiny paper plate.  Serve yourself.  Cheese, crudités, mini croissants and fruit (not pictured).  It was healthy, but I was dreaming of fried chicken.  

Here are some more pictures of the evening's highlights:

Bee-lateds poster children

The Esteemed Judges:  Murray Faulkner (former police chief), Becky Howse (Principal of Adult, Alternative and Continuing Education at the TVDSB), and Brad Duncan (Chief of Police - laughing at motto:  Deeds not Words).  

Getting my glamour on with the lovely Rita DeBook:

The Bee Game.  Last year, my word was Sasquatch:  

I went with "larvae" this year, because who doesn't love them some larvae?

Kevin Moore, one of my ex-colleagues at the London Public Library, was the evening's emcee.  Here's Queen Christine and worker bee, Kevin:

I can't wait for next year's event.  I wonder if the Riddler will show.  I wonder if I should start reading the dictionary ;-)  I think I'll just stick to Scrabble.

And so, I won't drone on, beelieve me, no one likes that.  Hah!  I'm full of beeswax.  

Pollen your leg, I can't stop.  Eeeeeyuwwww. That's a stinger.  

Leaving you with the trivia answers and a bee-yootiful tune:  Just Like Honey by the Jesus and Mary Chain.

1. 4
2. Hg
3. an unkindness (I love that!)
4. crucifers
5. 11

Any Fin is Possible!

Apologies in advance for apundance of bad jokes.

I will eat pretty much anything.  Let me rephrase that.  I AM a food snob (not ashamed) and so I won't ever knowingly ingest things like canned meat, cheese whiz, packaged soup or frozen convenience foods; however, there is little in the way of unprocessed food that I won't mow down, except for the ubiquitous banana.  EEEEEYYYYUUUUUUWWWWWW.

I'm not sure whether I was force fed a banana at a young age, like I was with a tomato, but I can't abide nature's "perfect food".  I did get over my deep loathing of tomatoes when I was in my early twenties, and now I eat them daily - in salads, sandwiches, soups and the dishes that I make for my family's dinner.  But I digress, that is a story for another day.

Look at these nasty bananas:

Ick - gagging here.  They should be illegal.

You, sir, are disgusting...

image courtesy of http://www.vh1.com/celebrity/2011-04-26/these-carvings-are-bananas/

Poor bananas.  They really have no idea how I peel about them.

Every couple of months, I try a (revolting) bite of banana and I involuntarily gag.  I can eat bananas in smoothies (very nice mixed with berries, yogurt and juice), and I bake two-dozen banana-chocolate-chip muffins at least once a month (which I scarf down like a beggarwoman), but I can't eat a banana in its natural state.  It's all about the texture.  

I can't eat lox either.  I am o-fish-ally disgusted by it; it's reel-y clammy and reel-y slimy.
Many years ago, I was invited to a friend's for brunch.  The menu was lovely - toasted Montreal style bagels with cream cheese and lox (oh my cod!), and strawberries sprinkled with a bit of sugar.

It all looked very colourful and stylish, and completely delicious.   I ate it all, except for the salmon.  To be polite, I did sample the tiniest, thinnest sliver of fish, but the texture made me recoil in disgust.  The hostess was not impressed with my antics; her pained expression made me think that I was giving her a haddock.  I was actually ashamed of myself.  I can't stand it when people can't or won't try to get over their childhood (childish?) food issues.

Over the years I have tried smoked salmon many times, but the very melt-in-your-mouth texture that others crave leaves me shuddering.

Yes, I am carping on.    

One Saturday morning last winter,  I had cabin fever and so I dragged the family to the Western Fair Farmer's Market.  Trawling for goodies, my son spotted a vendor handing out samples of smoked salmon and trout - big chunks, actually.  I am tenacious and so I tentatively took a piece of fish, popped it in my maw and prepared to gag.  Holy mackerel! The strangest thing happened... I did not retch and the fish was completely delectable - it didn't taste crappie at all.  I was ecstatic.  We bought an eighteen dollar piece of fish, most of which disappeared on the car ride home.  It was truly delicious.  We returned the following week and bought more.  And then more the next.  Our yen for fish was getting expensive; it was a pain in the bass.   

I told the hubby how my Dad used to smoke his fish in a big blue and white striped Union Carbide barrel in our garage.  An avid fisherman, he always had fish to smoke.  What I wouldn't give for a taste of my Dad's fish today.  Big sigh.

Richard told me that it might be possible to borrow an electric smoker from one of his colleagues - Bill - another diehard fisherman.  Here's a shot of the "Big Chief":

After Richard's first batch of salmon, we were hooked.  Bill eventually gave us the Big Chief after borrowing it many times.  He was probably sick of us bugging him for it.  He said that he never used it, it took up room in his garage, yada, yada, yada, so he told us not to bring it back.  SCORE!
The ridiculous part of this story is that, after tasting Richard's salmon, Bill took the smoker back!  He came and got it one day and we were very sad.
Oh-ho.  I just reel-ized something.  Bill was being an Indian giver.  I'm laughing as I type this... okay so I'm not politically correct but the smoker's called a "Big Chief" for cod's sake!
Oh come on people, lighten up.
Floundering here... I really hope I don't get any hate mail, but seeing as this is the very first inappropriate comment that I've made in my blog - chuckling away - I'm sure salmon will say something.

Soooooo... moving along... the salmon that my husband makes is usually devoured by the 10 year old fishpig, aka Nathanimal, in a matter of seconds.  The remaining pieces are individually wrapped in plastic film, and popped into the freezer.  They stow it someplaice sneaky, a place that is not obvious to me.  It's hardly fair.

So buoys and gills, I have decided that it is time for me to smoke my own fish, which I will then wrap and hide in a remote corner of the downstairs freezer (heh heh - like in a box of frozen burgers, which would never get eaten in this house), shellfishly hogging it all (and becoming a fishpig myself).  I am reveling in my cleverness here.  :-)

Here is my $56 worth of salmon, purchased from Costco, one bag of "wild" and one of "farmed":

I read that the salmon can be brined either wet or dry, so just for the halibut, I did half and half.  If you're dry brining, you can use frozen fish (I brined it for 5.5 hrs in a sea salt and brown sugar mixture).  The brine extracts the liquid from the fish and replaces it with flavour and seasoning (i.e. the ingredients in your brine).  

Packets of wild salmon:

Here's the fish resting in the sugar and salt dry brine:

Here it is again, after 5 hours.  The moisture in the fish has reduced the brine to a thick, honeylike substance:

Here's my wet brine recipe. If you can't read my crappie writing, I have also added another recipe farther down the page which also promises stellar results.

This brine recipe is from the Examiner.com:

1/2 C. Salt

1 C. Brown Sugar
1/4 tsp Garlic Powder
1/4 tsp Liquid smoke-your preferred flavor
1/4 tsp Lowry's seasoned salt
4 Tbsp Molasses
Juice of one fresh lime
1 Qt Water

Here's the farmed salmon soaking in the brine; it has been defrosted before being added.  I'm about to pop it in the fridge overnight.  The floaty yellowish bits are fresh ginger:  

I'm just happy that the devildog didn't get it.  Django steals everything:  whole chickens, raw meat of all kinds, and yes, even $30 of salmon fillets.  

After removing the salmon from the brine, be sure to rinse and pat it dry with a paper towel so that the pellicle will form.  Here's some more information about that, also from the Examiner:  

The pellicle is a dried coating of proteins and ingredients in your brine that seal the surface of the fish... resulting in a more moist and flavorful product. First, remove the fish from the brine and rinse lightly under cold water then pat dry with a paper towel. Lay the fish on a rack, skin down, so that air may circulate. If the outside temperature is relatively cool you can set it in the shade for two hours.  Many people refrigerate the salmon to form the pellicle.  

My pellicle has formed (after a couple of hours in the fridge) and it's ready for the smoker:

Time to preheat the smoker.  I put my mixture of alder and maple chips in the pan on the bottom and plugged it in.   After fifteen minutes, the fish goes in:

The smoke smelt amazing!

Richard, brain sturgeon that he is, told me that it would take at least 5 hours for the fish to be done.

It did not.

In fact, it took less than three and so I overcooked some of it because of this.  The fish is still delish and so I am not too put out.  I am thinking that it was quite cool outside when Richard last used the smoker and so his fish may have taken longer.  He didn't use the barbecue cover as an insulator either:

Here's the finished product:

Looks cod awful, but tastes delicious.  The white goo on top of some of the pieces is fish fat.  It is fine to eat, but people try to avoid it because it looks a bit unappetizing (I don't have an issue with it).  I read that this can be controlled by smoking your fish at a cooler temperature, but seeing as my smoker doesn't have a temperature gauge, I'm not sure how to proceed.  

I should also note here that I prefer the fish that has been wet-brined.  The dry brined fish is a different texture - a little drier - although that could also be because I overcooked it and the pieces are thinner.   I will buy another bag of the wild salmon and try it with a wet brine and see what happens.

My verdict:  not so bad, but I cod dolphinitely do better.  

Oh and if you can think of some batter fish puns, be sure to let minnow.  nyuk nyuk.  

Musical accompaniment is Fish Heads by Barnes and Barnes (1979):

Darn it; It's Cold! Sew What? Quit Yer Stitchin'!

I have been sewing and writing like crazy lately; clearly, I'm on a creative bender.

The children ruined one of my pillows recently and so I sat down to make a new pillow last week.  Of course, Gwenzilla wanted in:  "Mum, can I make a pillow too?"  I sighed.  Why is it that she only wants to make a pillow when I want to make a pillow?  So, because I am a sweet and generous Mumma, I dragged out the machine and my fabric stash and let her go to it.  Here she is, at the Bruce Street sweatshop:

Okay, see how in the window on the left, it looks like I used that saran wrap window sealer to prevent cold air from coming in in the wintertime?  Well, I didn't.  I hate that product.  Ageism alert - if you use that, you are officially OLD.  I don't why I felt compelled to discuss this as it has NOTHING to do with this post; however,  now you know my feelings on "shrink film".  You can rest easy tonight. 

She's craft-tay!  GG is so cute with her pillow.  She selected and placed all the fabrics, then sewed them together herself.  

Looking at Gwen at age 8, I can't help but think of myself at her age.  I was reading the Little House series of books by Laura Ingalls Wilder (LOVE!!!!!!) and I wanted to make my own quilt.  So I cut up most of my socks into "squares" and tried to sew them together by hand.  Imagine for a moment, that you are trying to sew together knit socks into a quilt.  First of all, when you cut those socks up, they unravel because the knit is very fine.  Secondly,  the squares curl up at the edges - fine knits do NOT want to lie flat.  And third - it would have taken me approximately thirty years to amass enough sock-squares and sew them together just to make a quilt the size of a hand towel.  And so, after sewing three or four of my squares together, I did, at age 8, exactly what I would do now with a failed craft project - I stuffed it under my bed, never to be seen again.

Here is the pillow that I made after helping Gwen with hers:

Improvisational quilting -- basically means to amass pile of fabrics, cut and sew together haphazardly, admire results

And a close-up of the quilting:

I followed the pillow up with a sixties-inspired wall hanging, that I made from a silk sari, a silk blouse, a new king sized bed sheet that I cut up, and some new fabrics.  Here's a close-up of the quilting on the front and on the back:

  

And the finished hanging (17 by 38 inches), which will hang in my main floor loo.  Who says that art doesn't belong in the bathroom?  I love a quirky powder room.

I think I will christen this wall quilt Burst.  

And last but not least, I will provide a link to my most recent Canada Writes contest entry, because I'm a sucker for a contest.  I figure I have better odds of winning a writing contest than winning the 649, which I never buy tickets for anyway.

My story may disturb some of you, so consider yourself warned.  I'm over it though, honest.  :-)  If I wasn't, I wouldn't write about it.

You're Just Another Victim, Until You're Not



Musical Pairing:  although it has nothing to do with being crafty in the Martha Stewart sense of the word, it was one of my jams way back when:

She's Crafty by The Beastie Boys