April 13, 2012

Pinworms, Lice and Mice, Oh my! Pinworms, lice and mice...

Okay before some of you who see me on a regular basis (Hi, Mom) start freaking out and thinking that we have lice AGAIN (we've only had it once, dammit), I want to reassure you that we are not infected. I repeat, we are not infected.  More on the pinworms shortly.  :-)

I'm pretty sure that many individuals in the blogosphere have written about pinworms, lice and mice but not all at once, in the same blog.  I couldn't resist it.  The phrase just sounds so catchy!

Pinworms, lice and mice, OH MY!  Pinworms, lice and mice.

And I'm quite certain that this trio has not appeared together in a blog as of yet.  So consider yourself very lucky to be reading the only incidence of these four words together.  I should know; I googled it!

Last week, I was trying to locate a comb / brush, which are in short supply in this house, so I could attempt to "style" the children's hair before leaving the house and shocking the public with our untamed tresses.  RB never combs his hair, ever.  If he does, it becomes a bush that you can hide small animals in (like mice, nyuk, nyuk).  He has let Gwen comb his "glory" several times, but that is just for the humour factor, and we love him for that.  But I prattle on; back to the real story here.  Just to remind you, I was looking for a comb.  Of course, I couldn't find anything and so my Mom rummaged around in her purse and found a brush.  She combed the children's hair, while they shrieked in mock horror, and then she made a comment like:  "You'd better not have lice!"  We laughed. ha ha ha.  Remember when?  ha ha ha.  We were so cavalier.

"Ha, ha",  I said.  "We don't have lice."

I looked her firmly in the eye.  When you are denying something, even if you're not lying (notice how I didn't say "telling the truth" - that was intentional), you MUST make eye contact, especially if you're denying something as disgusting as having lice.

Not a minute later, I was getting something out of Nathaniel's school bag, and I saw a loose sheet of paper.  I read the words "There has been an incidence of lice in your child's classroom..." and I began to laugh uproariously.  Perfect timing!  I handed the sheet to my Mom, who read it wordlessly.  She did not laugh: "I'm disinfecting my brush".

I then proceeded to check behind Nathaniel's ears and at the nape of the neck, which is where the lice like to frolic.  Clean, clean, clean, hallelujah!  Thank you, Jesus.  I am not going to regale you with the sordid details of my entire family's battle with lice over a two-week period during which there was a LOT of swearing, combing, crying, television-viewing (the only way we could get the kids to sit still) and being treated like a social pariah. I am not going to tell you what it was like to arrive in Calgary and greet RB's cousin, whom I had NEVER met, and how I said:  "Pleased to meet you, too.  I feel kind of awkward saying this, but Gwen has lice and uh..."  cringe

AWKWARD Silence, forced laughter.  Who were we? Kin of Randy Quaid, in NL's Christmas Vacation?

Here is a picture of the only item that rid our house and hair of lice:

The LiceMeister!

It was worth every penny of the $26.95 that I paid for it at Shoppers D.  It and a cheap bottle of conditioner were our saviours.

I am taking Mr. Nathaniel for his summer 'do today - a crew cut. Not my favourite look for my boy, but it kind of suits him, mischief-wise.

I am going to end abruptly here, because I am freaking, I repeat FREAKING out right now as there is some sort of animal scratching in the walls / ceiling to my immediate right and I can't take it. I'm not kidding. It's fucking awful.  While in the middle of writing this blog, not five minutes ago, I made a repair man whom I barely know come in to my office to listen to the horrid scratching and he was laughing at me.  Holy shit.  I am done with those "humane" mouse traps and treating the mice like royalty.  I'm going to Tuckey's RIGHT NOW to get a snapper trap. You know those little wooden ones that snap the poor mouse in half. I am getting sick just thinking about it.  Stay tuned for the pinworms and mouse saga.  I meant to write it all in one installment, but I gotta go!  now!