September 29, 2013

The Lips are Still Zipped and I've Decided to Add Another Day.


It is hard to be silent.  Damn hard, as a matter of fact.  It has taken some time for me to become accustomed to my new and less efficient means of communication.  By the time I've really figured it out, I will have to resume normal speech, which is why I have decided to add a day.

Some of the individuals who reside in this house currently dislike my vow (husband).  R thinks that I am being intentionally irritating.  Now there's some compassion.

Here are some of the things that make it hard for me to keep my vow.  (And yes, I've inadvertently broken it three times.  Once when Gwen said "Mumma?" (I replied with "yes?"), once when Richard asked me about curry-making (I completely forgot and started to answer his question) and today I accidentally spoke two words to a neighbour before I clapped my hand over my mouth).

Without further ado, here are the challenges:

1)  Loss of Pen and Paper

This is my go-to journal and pen:

I am constantly losing it.  LOSER!  I also keep misplacing the three additional pen and paper combos stationed in other rooms of the house.  The loss of these tools results in brief but annoying states of me being completely incommunicado.

2)  Theft of Pen
R and the kids like to steal my pen (to torture me).  Not kidding.  RB intentionally ran off with it earlier.  I followed him so that I could retrieve it.   When he realized how desperate I was, that he was robbing me of my voice, he began to wave the pen wildly in front of my face, like you would wave candy in front of a toddler to make her cry:
"Ohhhh---ho... " evil laugh ... "do you neeeeeeeeeed your pen?...   whaaaaaat? can't speak without it?" Then he laughed some more.
ha ha.  

3)  Chickenscratch
My handwriting is ugly and unpredictable. The children and R frequently complain as they try to decipher my words.  This - the complaining about my handwriting and the piss-poor appearance of said handwriting - annoys all of us.  I don't think it looks so bad.

4)  Reading Challenges
Gwen is a novice reader but she is getting a LOT of practice.  She doesn't really have a choice if she wants to communicate with me.  I think that my vow is really good for her; her reading has improved immensely in one day!

5) Greetings and Salutations: The Man Nod, Flashing the Peace Sign, and Other Non-Verbal Gestures
I took Django for his early morning constitutional and saw several people that I knew.  Neighbours said "hi","good morning", "hello" and "how are you?".  I did what I could.  I gave the "man-nod" (rapid nod while making eye contact), flashed peace, smiled and waved.  The good news is that I did not give anyone the finger this morning; however, two members of my immediate family have been on the receiving end of it in the past 24 hours.  not proud.

See below for additional examples of convenient and in some cases, pointed, non-verbal gestures.

I accompanied Gwen to her soccer this morning and the coach asked how I was.  I pointed to my lips and then drew my hand quickly across my throat (see second picture from the bottom, right side).  This was effective, as the coach understood my problem.  Conversation over.

6)  Insults to my Intelligence, and Laughter at My Expense
Right now, my family thinks that they are a bunch of comedians.  Here are some of their choice observations:

Nathaniel:  "I like Mum's vow of silence.  It saves me a lot of pain in the ears".

While playing a game of Rat-a-tat-Cat with the family, Richard screamed at me for "yelling" at him (huh?  How can a silent person yell?!)  and so I wrote:  "TONE!"
Richard: "You're yelling at me!"  
Me: "Seriously? I am NOT yelling".
I think Richard needs to take a vow of silence.

I was obviously COMPLETELY DESPERATE here as I ordered Nath to go play on the computer

Richard upon seeing me approach with book and pen in hand:  (smugly) "Oh, shall we have a little chat?" ha ha ha

Nathaniel, in disbelief, after only 6 hours of me not talking:  "Dad, Mum's still on the silent streak!"


Oh, they are a funny bunch, are they not?

It's not all bad though, people. I am liking the new and silent me.  And my throat feels a bit better.  I will write one more entry about my vow.  Check back on Tuesday.

And because I am a child of the 80's, here's Depeche Mode's Enjoy the Silence for your listening pleasure: