June 11, 2012

On Aging (Dis)Gracefully


"Miss Montgomery?"

Daaaamn. It's a telemarketer.  
"Yes.  How can I help you?"

"You sound younger and younger each year, every time I talk to you".  He laughed in a self-congratulatory way that infuriated me.

Oh, he thinks he is sooooo funny. ha hahaha hahahhaa.  Laugh at this, dumbass!

I slammed the phone down.  Yes, I really did slam it because I was talking on my old school rotary phone that my stepfather rewired for me.  I'm not proud of my reaction, but really!  This! On the eve of my discovery of the dreaded senior discount on a receipt.  RB said that the senior discount key is permanently depressed at Cherryhill Mall, which of course made me laugh, but I will be permanently depressed if I start getting the senior discount regularly!

For those of you who are not familiar with Cherryhill Mall, it is populated entirely by seniors.  I used to dislike going there because of the demographic (ooh... evil admission of ageism), but I grew to love the mall's denizens.  When the kiddies were toddlers, they always got lots of attention, candy, money and smiles from the geriatric bunch, who obviously had a lot of time on their hands.

Here's a picture of said senior discount:

I saved $1.26 on "drink" and wax paper.

According to Shopper's website, the magical age is 65; however, I have heard that they will extend it to those individuals who are 55 and over.  I do not look 55!  Do I?  Please tell me if I do.  In my head, I'm still 25!

I remember the young cashier who was helping me. She was about 12 and we were talking about PC banking.  I told her that I put everything on my PC Mastercard because I get free groceries and who doesn't like free groceries?  I was just trying to make polite conversation while rummaging through my disorganized wallet.  She said that she banks with TD because at the end of the year, she receives a percent back (of what she has spent during the year).    I just looked it up on the TD website and it's 1% for every dollar spent.  So if you spend $1000 a month, or $12 000 yearly, you'll get $120 back.  Hmmn... I am going to have to check what I get for my PC. As usual, I am getting sidetracked. Bear with me while I do some googling...

According to PC banking, the stated rate of points acquisition is ten points for every dollar spent on the PC Mastercard.  If you spend $1000 a month, you'll get $120,000 points annually and $120 in free groceries.  So they're basically the same - cash or groceries.  I'll take the groceries because I shop at the PC stores and there isn't a fee to bank with PC. Enough about this boring credit card savings and back to the prepubescent cashier.

I am going to tell myself that I do not look 55 and that the cashier gave me the senior discount because we were talking about money and she wanted to save me some.  I might cry if I thought otherwise.

I can only conclude that it must be my hair.  I showeth the greyeth, therefore, I am senior.  And senior is bad (that's for all you old folks out there, nyuk nyuk).

Because why else would I choose to have grey hair?  Grey hair means old, washed-up, not caring about one's appearance. Letting one's self go.  Saying goodbye to youth and vitality, and self-pride.  I should just start wearing polyester, elastic waistband pants now, right?

My cousin told me not too long ago that I was "too young to have grey hair" (that I didn't colour) and what was I thinking?

"You can have grey hair when you're old" she stated.  She is ten years older than I am and dyes her hair.  We agreed to disagree.

A friend of mine told me that several of her friends who met me at a function (and who do not know me) said that I looked at least ten years older than she did (thanks for that).  And this was supposed to make me feel how? Good?  I think her point was that I was "letting myself go" and that I should buck up and get back to the bottle.   That I am somehow doing RB a disservice.

I guess I frighten some people, with my kinky, crazy grey hairs.

At this point I no longer give a shit about my hair.  I look in the mirror and most days I think I look pretty good, grey hair and all.  I don't have a lot of time to spend on my appearance, or rather, I don't want to spend a lot of time on my appearance.

Why are we so obsessed with looking young?  If every woman I knew didn't dye her hair, I wouldn't have this bloody problem! I don't know any men who dye their hair!

The reality is that we are all marching towards our deaths. Why deny the obvious?  Come on, ladies!  Let yourselves go!  It's very liberating and you just might get the senior discount!